THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEES BASEBALL GAME. 

 

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM.
BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,
THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS,
HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
 
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE,  
THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH .
THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."

 

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID LOUDLY,
"I WANT TO MOVE TO MONTANA .
THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE!"
 

THE THIRD GUY YELLED,  
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO .
THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE!"
 
 
 
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, 
LOOKED AT THE MEN
AND, IN A VERY "SWEET" AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...
THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."

  Contributed by Kathy Bruno

     Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous.

     They were always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

     The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he  would speak with her boys.

 The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8-year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

      "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,

     "Where is God?! 

     Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. 

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
     "WHERE IS GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,

     "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,

     "We are in BIG trouble this time!"

     "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

 

[not necessarily 'humor' the following was submitted by Allan Little]

 

Two Traveling Angels

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.   The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. 

Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.  As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. 

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,

          "Things aren't always what they seem" 

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.  When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.  Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen?  The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.  The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die..

         "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. 

"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmer’s bed, the angel of death came for his wife; I gave him the cow instead.

         Things aren't always what they seem." 

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things  don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage.. You just might not know it until some time later...

Some people      
come into our lives 
and quickly go.      

      Some people 
      become friends
      and stay awhile... and we are never
      quite the same
      because we have
      made a good  friend!!

  Yesterday is history.    Tomorrow a mystery.  Today is a gift.

                                                  
 Right Now -
-somebody is thinking of you. 
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you
-somebody wants to talk to you.. 
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
-somebody wants to hold your hand. 
-somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.. 
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes. 
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift. 
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.. 
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

Never take away anyone's hope.  That may be all they have.

    
  CHURCH SIGN BOARDS:

  "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
 

    "No God - No Peace.
      Know God - Know Peace."

      "Free Trip to heaven.
      Details Inside!"

      "Try our Sundays.
      They're better than Dairy Queen's."

      "Searching for a new look?
     Have your faith lifted here!"

"Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."

"How will you spend eternity -  Smoking or Nonsmoking?"

      "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

= = = = = = = = =  = 

God Enjoys A Good Laugh!

There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1.    He called everyone brother;
2.    He liked Gospel;
3.    He didn't get a fair trial.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1.    He went into His Father's business;
2.    He lived at home until he was 33;
3.    He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1.    He talked with His hands;
2.    He had wine with His meals;
3.    He used olive oil.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1.    He never cut His hair;
2.    He walked around barefoot all the time;
3.    He started a new religion.
 
But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1.    He was at peace with nature;
2.    He ate a lot of fish;
3.    He talked about the Great Spirit.
 
But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1.    He never got married;
2.    He was always telling stories;
3.    He loved green pastures.
 
But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a  woman:
1.    He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
2.    He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
3.    And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
 
                                                Can I get an AMEN!!